this is hell. well. not really hell. but now i start to feel the pressure from my parents. well, parent actually. last weekend, i saw my father cried.
this is the first time in my 19 yrs of existence. i couldn’t believe it at first and i felt awkward and scared at the same time. i never see him cry, even when the rough times come. never. you don’t have any idea how rough it would be. like we almost lost half of our house, and not to mention the problem my parents met last decade. well it has something to do with their relationship and i was still in my first year in high school.
but last weekend, he cried in front of me. probably the alcohol gave him enough courage to speak to me and be emotional in front of me.
i was watching my university as they play basketball against the other school. i kept on changing the channels because i already got the idea that my school would lose 60% but i think they pretty did well. then my father came down from upstairs and sat next to the me. well, not really next to me, he sat on the other chair close to me. and i was startled when he spoke to me with uncertainty:
“tell me if you can still study at the University, tell me if you cannot”
his words flung into my head but i hid it with my smile and answered with a stern voice:
“of course i can”
i am an extending student and so he thought that i can no longer survive the college life. my life as a college student is like a roller coaster. well not really, but i’m still hoping that it’s still like a roller coaster. there’s always the downs and i am so used to that kind of feeling but i’m not giving up, though the tasks are quite hard and the problem really lies inside me. i’m recuperating, every single day, i am trying. until now and tomorrow. i will never give up.
now i’m back in the University, and before i leave the house in our province, i talked to my mom and told her to give me 2 years staring this semester. 2 years and i will proudly give them my “sablay”