i shed tears again cause i’m stupid,

i lost a friend again cause i suck.


people change~~

life too, especially if you share it with me.

i hope it’s still not too late.


1:51 p.m.

i should return to my normal life now. [so last week was my abnormal life? huh?] now, i should sleep at least seven hours a day, i should study, at least 2 hours a day [at home], i should eat at least 4 times a day. [haha]. but most important, i should read again. i must read again.

recently, my brain is not working very well. hmmm maybe because for the past few weeks, i rarely sleep, i did not eat anything [just mountain dews, snacks and sodas. .eew].

so for the next week and the week after that [and so on], my life will undergo a rehabilitation.

my body is craving for that. geez i hope i did not catch ulcer and such. haha :p

oops! another thing. i missed RareJob and my friends out there. hehe. i must teach again 😀

11:16 p.m.

it’s all thanks to RB (hehe) he reminded me that i have a blog. and i really appreciate that he read it :).

my blog is not really very emotional (emo). so it reminded me of my poem.

you are the mainspring of noxious.

you seemed an imp,

for the first time that i glanced at you.

you procured him from my arms.

you taught him to do erroneous things.

you led him to your damn. you turned him just like you

–a belial.

because you took him,

now he left me

all alone in the midst of anxiety.

doubt whether i will

continue to live or not.

he enjoyed being with you.

i saw him smiled

–that killed me

i heard him laugh

–that disabled me

the picture of him keeps me hunting through the dark night.

–that keeps me awake.

he did not pay attention on me anymore.

i tried everything just for him to come back


but then again,

he (you) realized

how conceited i was.

he tried to approach me but,

it was too late

–like a dying person

–he’s gone already.

you are the one who caused everything.

you are the root he was the fruit,

for the agony that i bore.

now, death is seeking for me

it was less like taking

one’s life than allowing it to be taken.

one just stop living–that was all.

we are all dying

i am just closer to it.

but after all,

he used to be mine.

the title of this poem is PERPETUAL BANE (haha i wrote it when i was still in high school, nung bitter pa hehe.)

thanks to RB, i remembered that day :D.

i woke up this morning at 9:00? well i’m not sure ‘cos my cellphone didn’t have any battery, but my body said that it was probably around 9. it’s because of my sister’s loud voice that woke me. geez she’s like an alarm clock to me.

but i didn’t get up that easy (hehe). i daydreamed of what will happen today.

i have tons of things to do. things that i failed to do last night. aargh my schedule is always ruined by my broken promises. :s that’s why some times, making promises really scares me.

i need to prepare for an examination tomorrow (also next week another 3 exams), i need to make a 3 minutes movie, edit the sounds, also edit two pictures for my 161 (an IT subject) and do some newspaper (the lay-out i mean).

i imagined the cons and pros, the worst case scenario, the “what if’s” event.

owww it’s really hardcore. :s

but it’s already 2010 and i need to change myself. I WON’T MAKE ANY PROMISES AND I WILL JUST DO MY BEST.

geez it took almost an hour for me to daydream of what will happen on this day. so childish :s

anyway, i got up and started my day.

my head is breaking. i can feel that my nerves stretch from side to side. i do not know what to do. most of the time, i act like a child, and the other time, i act as a hermit. :s

this is the first post in my third blog. geez i hope i can continue writing in this blog.

i want to write, i wanna record everything that happen. those old good memories that for sure will not happen again. i love my friends, i love them more than i love myself.

the title of this post is “zombie”. why? because my thoughts aren’t organize, they are so fragmented. i just type whatever comes to my mind. geez i’m like a rotten bun in a corner that gets no attention. should i get some sleep? no! i already slept for eleven hours this day.

am i a monster?

haha. right now, i’m actually laughing at myself. maybe i should sleep now. :s

what do you think?